Yeah... Me too... When I see this I can't help but think that I am one of millions. As I reflect back on my own experience and I relive the pain for being raped, I get a little indignant, a little confused, sad and overwhelmed. Truly, I am not completely healed from my 2006 experience. I am, however, on the right path. How do I know? I don't want him dead any more. I want him out of my head and away from my emotions - but I don't want him dead.
My experience began as a friendly meet up to go have drinks and party a little bit as I was a tad bit depressed and just needed to get out of my own head, so-to-speak. We were meeting at his house and then off to the Wild Hair in Wicker Park. I was truly looking forward to a different experience with someone whom I trusted to take care of me. You see, the guy who assaulted me was a friend, a brother.
We sang at church together and we laughed all of the time. I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD HURT ME THE WAY THAT HE DID...NEVER. He was married with beautiful children and I respected those boundaries. To boot, I was in NO WAY ATTRACTED TO HIM. So, there was no awkward attraction or any desire WHATSOEVER to have a sexual encounter with him or any man at my church. I wasn't looking for that and certainly didn't want any advances from a married man.
And so I went to his house thinking that I could just go in and come out with him ready to listen to some good ole Reggae music and to party Rasta style! I had never done any of that, but I was ready for fun! Unfortunately, my supposed partner in crime had alternate plans. Plans that I had no forewarning and had not responded in any way to an invitation. I entered his house and that was all that he needed to justify what he would do to me next.
There was another man there, whom I knew and thought highly of... yes, he too was from my church. I accepted a tall glass of wine from him. The next thing that I remember is asking the rapist if was going to watch over me? To which he replied, "Yes." I woke up in a bedroom, half-dressed and listening to someone say, "You are so beautiful." I climbed out of the bed and stood to get my bearings. I was woozy but knew I had to get out of there. He acted as if I had consented to his drug induced f*#@. I had not and I would not spend another moment in that place with him. Dazed and confused I located my clothes and headed to my car. He walked me down and pointed me to his garage. The other guy had pulled my car into his garage.
There is so much more to this story that I can't bring myself to tell because of the fear of extreme backlash from people with whom I worshipped. It hurts to think that someone I loved and cared for so much would believe in his head that what he had done was completely justifiable. He was never sorry. He will never apologize. I have to live with the apology that I will probably never get. But it is what it is and those details really don't matter so much to me anymore. What does matter is that in your journey to wholeness, I hope my resolve to live will help you to choose life each day too. Something died in me on that night, but it was not my resolve to live.
The other day, I commented on a Facebook post and said, "So often, women blame other women for the indiscretions of men. Mothers protect sons and daughters protect brothers even when they know something is wrong. It's our culture that has to change. Women are afraid that they will be wrongfully accused and looked down upon by others around them. They also don't want to be burned at the proverbial stake. It's very hard to deal with rape. When people treat you like it's your own fault, it's so much harder. You'd just rather go inside of yourself and be your own best friend..." Most women don't feel supported or safe enough to crawl outside of their terror. Staying in the room with the memory, the stench is better than hearing all of the reasons why she was violently assaulted and it was her fault. No one asks to be raped. It's either consensual or it is NOT. There is no gray area.
Dear brother... yes means yes and no means no.
I pray that "ME TOO" will come to mean that I was violated but I decided to live and to love others who might have to go through this brutal act of cowardliness.
Me too! Me too! Me too! I HAVE SURVIVED AND I WILL THRIVE!!!
Another part of choosing to live after trauma is that I am now able to be whole in a very loving and wonderful relationship with a very amazing man. Learning to trust again is not easy. His patience is everything to me. I have cried in his arms many nights and he has reassured me that I'm safe - and I am. While his words are like a balm to my heart, his actions are truly the most endearing. He lives his words before they even fall from his lips. I am so blessed to experience this kind of love in this lifetime.
Remember these two things that only YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF: You will heal. You are worthy of love.
God bless you on your journey to healing. He (God) is the best MAN you can have. I love you, my dear sister. Be encouraged.
My experience began as a friendly meet up to go have drinks and party a little bit as I was a tad bit depressed and just needed to get out of my own head, so-to-speak. We were meeting at his house and then off to the Wild Hair in Wicker Park. I was truly looking forward to a different experience with someone whom I trusted to take care of me. You see, the guy who assaulted me was a friend, a brother.
We sang at church together and we laughed all of the time. I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD HURT ME THE WAY THAT HE DID...NEVER. He was married with beautiful children and I respected those boundaries. To boot, I was in NO WAY ATTRACTED TO HIM. So, there was no awkward attraction or any desire WHATSOEVER to have a sexual encounter with him or any man at my church. I wasn't looking for that and certainly didn't want any advances from a married man.
And so I went to his house thinking that I could just go in and come out with him ready to listen to some good ole Reggae music and to party Rasta style! I had never done any of that, but I was ready for fun! Unfortunately, my supposed partner in crime had alternate plans. Plans that I had no forewarning and had not responded in any way to an invitation. I entered his house and that was all that he needed to justify what he would do to me next.
There was another man there, whom I knew and thought highly of... yes, he too was from my church. I accepted a tall glass of wine from him. The next thing that I remember is asking the rapist if was going to watch over me? To which he replied, "Yes." I woke up in a bedroom, half-dressed and listening to someone say, "You are so beautiful." I climbed out of the bed and stood to get my bearings. I was woozy but knew I had to get out of there. He acted as if I had consented to his drug induced f*#@. I had not and I would not spend another moment in that place with him. Dazed and confused I located my clothes and headed to my car. He walked me down and pointed me to his garage. The other guy had pulled my car into his garage.
There is so much more to this story that I can't bring myself to tell because of the fear of extreme backlash from people with whom I worshipped. It hurts to think that someone I loved and cared for so much would believe in his head that what he had done was completely justifiable. He was never sorry. He will never apologize. I have to live with the apology that I will probably never get. But it is what it is and those details really don't matter so much to me anymore. What does matter is that in your journey to wholeness, I hope my resolve to live will help you to choose life each day too. Something died in me on that night, but it was not my resolve to live.
The other day, I commented on a Facebook post and said, "So often, women blame other women for the indiscretions of men. Mothers protect sons and daughters protect brothers even when they know something is wrong. It's our culture that has to change. Women are afraid that they will be wrongfully accused and looked down upon by others around them. They also don't want to be burned at the proverbial stake. It's very hard to deal with rape. When people treat you like it's your own fault, it's so much harder. You'd just rather go inside of yourself and be your own best friend..." Most women don't feel supported or safe enough to crawl outside of their terror. Staying in the room with the memory, the stench is better than hearing all of the reasons why she was violently assaulted and it was her fault. No one asks to be raped. It's either consensual or it is NOT. There is no gray area.
Dear brother... yes means yes and no means no.
I pray that "ME TOO" will come to mean that I was violated but I decided to live and to love others who might have to go through this brutal act of cowardliness.
Me too! Me too! Me too! I HAVE SURVIVED AND I WILL THRIVE!!!
Another part of choosing to live after trauma is that I am now able to be whole in a very loving and wonderful relationship with a very amazing man. Learning to trust again is not easy. His patience is everything to me. I have cried in his arms many nights and he has reassured me that I'm safe - and I am. While his words are like a balm to my heart, his actions are truly the most endearing. He lives his words before they even fall from his lips. I am so blessed to experience this kind of love in this lifetime.
Remember these two things that only YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF: You will heal. You are worthy of love.
God bless you on your journey to healing. He (God) is the best MAN you can have. I love you, my dear sister. Be encouraged.
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